Tag Archives: guilt and condemnation

Father, Why Do I Feel This Way?

I wrote this in my journal one day over four years ago….
“Lord, I have felt such anxiety, such depression. I knew you were there but I couldn’t touch you. You were reaching out to me…but it was like I was wandering in a desert. I was so thirsty, but I could not drink. The water was right there. I then began to be consumed with guilt and condemnation about how I had failed as a believer, and that was not from you. I was so consumed that I couldn’t even reach my hand up high enough to touch your lips for even a taste of water. And yet, you never left me. You stayed and reached down and pulled me up…little by little. But I had to be able to see you, to know that you were not a mirage. My reality had to become clearer…..and the increase in medication allowed me to see you again. You never left, but my perception, my vision did. I cannot put into words the pain I felt, I don’t understand it. Some say it was a spiritual attack, and I do know that there are battles…but it was more than that…Now my life circumstances have changed and I can see you again. You are no longer a mirage. You are my reality, my constant companion. I am “me” again…the “me” you designed me to be.

The fog slithers up behind you and engulfs you before you realize it…..

……..Depression and Anxiety….. Continue reading Father, Why Do I Feel This Way?

Christians, Depression and Guilt

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Christians, Depression and Guilt
**I actually wrote part of this blog in February 2014. I saved it as a draft and did not publish it….I just wasn’t sure if I should….it is past time now. This is too important NOT to blog…the dialogue has been opened as we grieve the loss of Robin Williams.

We all have “down” days if we are honest with each other. And sometimes Christians are not “upfront” about this particular issue. I am not just talking about those days…I am talking about clinical depression.  Not talking about it honestly  hurts the body of Christ. The judgment that is often present has come to light many times as believers deal with it. I have not seen a lot of grace extended….it is time for a change.

Of course I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety about 19 years ago.

I am not an expert by any means, but my personal experience might help someone else and that is my prayer.
For several years I would suffer bouts of depression and anxiety attacks. But I thought if I prayed hard enough I would get through them. I would fight through the pain, only to have it return with a vengeance. And I could not tell any of my Christian friends. What would they think? I was able to handle life. My prayer life was strong, I was an encourager to others. Continue reading Christians, Depression and Guilt