I have had a few rough days.
(I must say that today is better, but I am going ahead and publish this post with the hope that someone else will be encouraged.)
I will admit it. I am not proud of it, but it is true. I feel “blah”. I dealt with anger over something for about four months, then gave that away and now I am just….I don’t even know how to explain how I feel.
You may understand, you may not. Either way is ok, because I am not sure that I understand.
It is one of those things that I guess I should control, but when I try I only seem to make it worse. I have suffered from seasonal affective disorder and clinical depression for several years and I have been so much better the last year; but I think the whirlwind of circumstances in the lives of those I love right now and some personal items has sucked me into the vortex. Please don’t tell me to “get over it” because trust me, if I could eradicate these “feelings” I certainly would!!
And I am not a winter person AT ALL and the grey days remind me of that plain fact. And let’s face it, at my age….my hormones are not my friends!!
And I am a woman of faith. I write about the love of God and know that He is always present and never leaves me. Sometimes I just have a hard time hearing Him, and an even harder time waiting for answers. I guess I am a “high maintenance” daughter!
If you feel the need to judge…so be it. It is a chance I take with my honesty. And if someone understands that they are not alone with their dark cloud….then it is worth it. Sometimes I feel like an animated cartoon character!
Then the guilt sets in because I have no right to have any of these feelings! I am so blessed and I know it, believe me! Wonder who sends that guilt my way?? Gee, let’s guess!
The beauty of the Father is that He is always trying to encourage me in some way.
I walked past our hallway yesterday and noticed this image:
My personal reminder…from my personal Abba. “I am here…you are not alone. I understand your pain, frustration and depression better than anyone. Keep praying my daughter, keep praying.”
Oh I know…..this wall shadow just happened by sheer coincidence. How can I give God credit for this when it is a simple scientific fact that when the sun shines on an object just right it will create a shadow on the wall?
But He created that sunshine and the time of day, and I do give Him credit. And I thank Him for reminding one of His daughters that He is listening to her prayers.
“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:17-18
Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
*personal images, NIV Bible