Tag Archives: raising children

Behavior-Respect=Lack of Discipline

homeschooling, Love one another, mom, motherhood, Parenting, Spiritual Encouragement, teachers, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , ,

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An Observed Formula

As a former teacher and mom of adult children, I have made a number of observations.  I cannot say that they are correct, nor can I claim any scientific evidence. But it is was I have observed…my formula so to speak.

Behavior-Respect=Lack of Discipline

Behavior is defined as “the manner of conducting oneself” (Merriam-Webster)    Respect is defined “a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important, etc.” and “a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way” (Merriam-Webster).  Discipline is defined as “control that is gained by requiring that rules or orders be obeyed and punishing bad behavior” or  “a way of behaving that shows a willingness to obey rules or orders”.(Merriam-Webster)

How interesting.  Could it be that simple?

The manner of conducting oneself, without the feeling of value leads to lack of behaving in a way that shows a willingness to obey rules?

Yep.  I think it is.

If we don’t teach our children how to have respect for themselves and others, they will have no reason to follow any rules.  What does it really matter to them?  I am mindful of Mark 12:30-31, when Jesus was responding to a question by one of the “teachers of the law” when he asked what the greatest commandments was, and Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.  The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”

Hopefully we teach our children to love their neighbors, but do we teach them to love their neighbor as they do themselves?  Now I am not talking about the way some might do…the child can do no wrong, I am talking about respect and love.  Teaching your child their value…..that God has a plan for them.  How their lives are so important and they count for something. How Jesus loves them “without condition”.

I have seen both sides of that pendulum.  Children who are given no respect at home, practically raising themselves, and don’t understand what it means to love others and put their needs first.  They are kids for heaven’s sake, and yet the needs of those raising them comes first.  I have seen it folks, firsthand and it is sad.  How can a child dealing with those issues be full of respect for others and be disciplined at the same time?

Most of the issues I dealt with at school involved a lack of respect for themselves, friends and those in authority.  I get it.  But dealing with those behaviors while trying to educate is not always a happy mix. (But that is another blog!)

At any rate, I feel as though I am rambling, and I most likely am…but it breaks my heart.  Our children, the children that are growing up around us…are they taught or given unconditional love?  Can we as teachers, parents, friends…give it?  Does it mean allowing a child to do what he wants when he wants it?  Is our society disrespectful in general?  What can we do?

I don’t have all the answers and will never pretend to have them.  But the one thing I know for sure is that we must love.  We must teach our children the true meaning of unconditional love.  Then we must surrender to the Lord Jesus and allow Him to love others through us. How you teach that is up to you and the leading of the Holy Spirit.

I spent much of my day teaching and demanding respect.  But my students knew that I loved them.  They knew that they were important to me.  They knew that the discipline (to train, to teach, to educate..Strongs) was because of the love I had for them, due to the unconditional love shown me through Christ. The children were not the reason I stopped teaching..although having my proverbial “hands tied” did contribute …  (But that too is another blog)

So what is the answer? Jesus.  Knowing who He really is…having an intimate relationship with Him and not making it about “rules and regulations”  Without the love, rules and regulations will just lead to rebellion. (But that is another blog too!!)

I hope that I have given you some things to ponder.  I would love to hear your thoughts on my observed formula!  And it appears as though I have three more blogs to write….education and dealing with discipline issues….teachers leaving the field…rules and regulations without relationship…..hmmmmmm…..

Blessings dear ones~

IN CHRIST ALONE

Isaiah 55:8-9

Moms~Do you Realize?

Christianity, homeschooling, mom, motherhood, Parenting, Spiritual Encouragement, teachers, Uncategorized, , , , , , , ,

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Moms…I wonder if you realize you are your child’s first teacher?

When I first started my teaching career, I had not yet become a mother.  In fact, as you will remember from an earlier post, I didn’t ever want to be one!  (Me a Mom?  Never say Never).  But I was an expert in raising children.  You could have asked me and I would have told you.

I have asked God to forgive me for the number of times I sat across the table from a mother and told her what she was doing wrong as a parent.  I am not kidding.  Why her child was having the learning difficulties he was having….oh, I was kind in my wording, but I still said it.  By the way, God did forgive me.  For I truly did not know what I was doing.  I was fresh out of college and at the age that made me an expert at everything!

Then, I became a MOM.  At first I thought the reason I read to my womb was because I was “officially” a teacher.  Then I realized that my profession did not matter.  I was my child’s first teacher.  I knew that the first few years were the formative years.  Playing “peek a boo”, walking, talking…all of these milestones happened before my child would ever step one foot into a classroom.

  I have found in my later years a couple of things.  First, some parents don’t understand that responsibility or they don’t feel like they are “teachers”.  Well you are!! One way or another you are teaching your child.  Their “ABC’s” and “1,2,3’s”and values… by actually helping them determine right from wrong, or seeing the example you are setting. You will teach your child morals and values…or someone else will.   But make no mistake about it you are your child’s first teacher! 

Remembering my first child’s birth, I gasped when I realized the tremendous responsibility I had.  I read all the books, compared him to friend’s babies….when should he crawl, is he on schedule?  Pressure.  And quite honestly, as good at telling parents how to parent before parenting myself…I was as good being that parent.  Or so I thought.  Then someone talked to me.

“Relax” she said.  “You cannot teach him everything he must know.  Children learn at different speeds, in different styles.  The most important thing you can do is love your child….and give him TIME. Teach him about Jesus and pray with him.”   I heeded her advice.  And I relaxed.

Moms….relax.  Enjoy your child.  Work his vocabulary when you take him to the grocery store and pick up can goods.  Talk to him when you take a walk, pointing out all the beauty of nature.  Read to him (this is one of the most important thing you can do in my humble opinion), sing to him (even if off key), play with him.  And the most important?  Teach him about Jesus.  Start early and never stop.  Learning is “caught, not taught”. In some cases that can be good…some bad.

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,  so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”  2 Timothy 3:16-17

 Once I went back into teaching after my boys were mostly grown, I realized many things.  First of all, I quit sitting across from parents pretending like I knew it all.  Even though there were some things I was concerned about, I never was condescending.  I knew that parent loved the child more than I ever could understand.

Second of all, some moms just needed suggestions on how to “teach” their children.  Many times they began to realize that it wasn’t the “teacher’s responsibility” to do all the teaching.  All in all, my motherhood made me a better teacher.

So moms…always teach.  You are the first.

Blessings~

IN CHRIST ALONE

Isaiah 55:8-9

*NIV Bible, google clipart image

I would NEVER…Just Ask Me!

Christianity, homeschooling, Love one another, mom, motherhood, Parenting, Spiritual Encouragement, Uncategorized, , , ,

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I would NEVER ……just ask me!

Yep, I thought I knew it all.  Had all the answers.

You’ve probably heard people say that phrase…  I was one of those women who would say things like…”If I were that kid’s mom, I would never let him throw a fit like that in front of people in a grocery store.”  Then I had a two year old.  And we went to a grocery store.

Or “No teenager of mine would be living in my house if he did___________!”  Then I had two teenagers that continued to live in my house.

How easy is it to say what we would do in situations in which we have no idea what we would really do!  It always made me feel better about myself when I could point out the failures in “parenting” as I came upon these situations.  

I asked the Lord forgiveness for that attitude.  And thankfully I was forgiven.

I think that the older you get, the less you realize that you know.  Oh sure, experience, trials and troubles have brought a bit of wisdom, but I don’t pretend like I know it all anymore.  That is not a characteristic of confidence.  The only thing I am confident is Christ in me.

Galatians 2:20-21: “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. 21 I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain.”

We have the opportunity to help others that have gone through parenting situations that we might have gone through.  And when parents are dealing with something that we ourselves have not dealt with, we have the opportunity to be supportive…not pass judgement.  We need to encourage one another.  Let the Christ in us encourage.

As for me, when I look at all the careers and jobs I have had over the years, being a parent was the toughest.  It was one of the most important things I ever did to be sure…but it was also the hardest.  The responsibility became overwhelming sometimes if I really thought about it.  So I had to learn to give it to the Father.  I had to truly trust Him with my children’s lives.

I told someone last night that God loves our children more than we can even imagine.

Luke 11:11-13 “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Isaiah 49:15-16 : “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you!   See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-6: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

We have to come to the point in our lives as parents when we realize that we simply do not have all the answers.  We do the best we can.  And we trust the One who created our children.  We were loaned a gift, one that He created.  Our job is to teach them in the ways of the Lord and love them unconditionally.  

Truly love them unconditionally, and realize as parents that we really don’t know it all.

Whether they throw a fit in the grocery store, or do something in which they should not be allowed to live in your house.  

Blessings dear ones~

IN CHRIST ALONE

Isaiah 55:8-9

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