It’s been an interesting couple of months. In July I learned I had to have a basal cell carcinoma cut out of my shoulder. I know, the best type of skin cancer to have, it doesn’t even have its own ribbon…but the “C” word was now a part of my vocabulary. I had a big ‘ole hunk of skin removed with 17 stitches. I could not life my arm above my head for 4 weeks because of the crazy location, and my husband had to dress the wound two times a day, for two whole weeks. And he did so, with dedication and over zealousness. I seriously think he missed his calling!
Word of warning: if it is an invasive removal, don’t ask to look at the specimen, unless you are prepared to immediately be flipped upside down to avoid a total fainting spell. All was well, then all of the sudden I was sweating a little more than my deodorant was prepared for and watching my husband move his lips with never a sound being heard by this woman!
After a week of waiting, the nurse called with the words I can’t believe I was hearing: “Tammy, just wanted you to know that you are cancer free”. There was that word again!! Well we survived putting together my classroom and my private nurse’s orders.
I had noticed some peculiar pieces of hair laying around a number of places. And the drain after showering? What’s two fistfuls of hair when you have as much as me? Just scoop it up and throw it away!! As any normal mother would do after much practice over the years, I ignored these happenings. One day I glanced in the mirror and noticed some eyelashes missing. Must have rubbed too hard while taking off my mascara I reasoned. Then it happened..time for cut and color.
Did I ever get in trouble!! My hairdresser of 10 years was upset. As she twirled me around in the chair she told me I had obviously been ignoring something…and it wasn’t from stress. “Good thing you started out with lots of thick, curly hair…because if you hadn’t, you would be looking for a wig right now! Call a doctor as soon as you can!” I could ignore it no longer. Of course, making another hair appointment in five weeks seemed like an oxymoron of sorts…I told her I would call if I needed to cancel because I had none to cut or color. She didn’t think I was being very funny.
So what do all women do when they find out they’re losing their hair? I cried like a baby. All the way home while I talked to a couple of friends. “I will help you pick out extensions!” One encouraged me with….yeah, I felt better already.
Once I processed my situation I thought of some things the Father had shown me the previous week. One day it concerned clothes. I love them. I love mixing, matching, picking, combining and being in attractive clothes. And the Father spoke to my heart..”you are clothed in my righteousness daughter and that is the clothing you need to be beautiful.” The next day I thought about my new makeup. I have extremely sensitive skin and I just had some organic makeup mixed for me and it working. Then I heard…”Just as I am…Tamara, you are loved just as you are..no makeup required!” But baldness??!! Come on Father!!! I get it!!
Today I went to the doctor and had three vials of blood withdrawn. And I sat very still for a few minutes to make sure I could still hear before I got up this time!! I still don’t know what is going on, nor does the doctor..but she promised she would find out. So, after my shower, I removed another fistful, cried, hugged my husband and realized that this hair of mine truly was not my “crown of glory”. He wore that..for me. And yes, no matter if I am barefaced, clothed in rags and bald..I am still loved, and a daughter of the King!
i must add that I have lost a few relatives and dear friends to cancer…with the radiation, chemotherapy and loss of hair..I will never understand that pain and loss completely…and I by no means minimize these very painful times for them or their families. I have been given a very tiny, little bitty glimpse of what they endured..and I love them all the more for the grace they showed through their trial.
Be encouraged daughter of the King, you are loved!!
In Christ Alone,